Well if you’re still here, thank you for following my endings-Journey! I’m still delicately moving forward, full-blast. (Gently Slamming On the Gas? Lightly Stomping Along?)
This evening I had a nice long conversation with my King-Finisher husband. He is one of my mentors in all things “Ending”. (But I am so so blessed to have quite a few mentors. You might even meet some someday!) However, so that you might understand what I mean about His Royal End-ness, I need to tell you a little backstory.
You see, for much of our marriage, (9 years of it) … (out of 10) … I believed wholeheartedly that my husband loved doing the dishes after a long day of work. (**insert close friends and family groaning in unison, “This story again??”**) I knew he enjoyed it. To me, it was so blatantly obvious that I never felt any need to question the idea. “These are the things that I adore about you” I would think as I watched him get grooving on the dishes without a second thought. “Who loves to do the dishes? Only my husband!” *(Doe-eyed Grin)*
I knew this as well as I could know anything. Because it is almost impossible for me to do something I dislike THAT well and THAT quickly. And it is actually impossible for me to do it that consistently for that many years. The only way I could ever do anything through to completion, the way that my husband can do the dishes, would be that I thoroughly adored the task.
Some people (raises hand) need an external-force to get us finishing this type of tedious undertaking. (A bad smell, for example, suspiciously eeking out of the sink. Or an exceptionally busy day ahead- and the stress of thinking about living that day in an unsanitary kitchen. Or a friend coming over for dinner. Or a strong sense of no longer being able to stand the emotional torture.. are a few examples.)
So you see? Of course, he loved to do the dishes. It was a few of his favorite things as far as I could tell. May as well have been the pot of gold at the end of his rainbow.
As luck would have it, I eventually shared this sentiment aloud to him in passing. His response, however, changed my life. I know it sounds like an exaggeration, but what he said next became the single greatest paradigm-shifting-moment of my decade.
“What?? No. Kath! Honey, Nobody loves to do the dishes. Everybody hates to do the dishes. I hate to do the dishes. I just know they need to be done so I do them.”
Wha??? Is there a way to describe, in cold hard type, the image below? A way besides, “Whaaa?? You mean…. But I thought…. Wait. Hold UP… STOP THE PRESS!”
That was a real game-changer for me (for many reasons) as you can imagine. In one fell swoop- I retrospectively saw the entire past 9 years of our marriage flash before my eyes. So many things in my mind had to be reviewed, and re-sorted! I mean, he wasn’t as perfect as I had thought all these years because he didn’t love to do dishes!? – But oh man! He was even BETTER than perfect because he hated to do the dishes but (very often) did them anyway!!!?? Oh no. I have been so very much worse than I had ever imagined all of those years!!! Oh no. Oh… I was even WORSE THAN THAT because I just.. I mean… who is that dense???!!!! *(raises hand)* I am still wrapping my head around it all to be honest… *(one hand still raised. One hand gob-smacking-me)*
Many of you are probably thinking, “yeah. This is… I mean… Kathryn!!!! Girl!!!! This is basic adulting 101. No this is adulting 100. I mean- This is Pre-Adulting. (The class you have to pass before you take Adulting100..)” And you are probably right. I mean, I wouldn’t know. I obviously didn’t go to that school.
But man-o-man- all of the implications of my social density aside, when I realized that my King-Finisher could do the dishes for years without ever complaining! While DISLIKING IT ALL ALONG?!?! I mean.. I’m still at a loss. I’ve been talking about this for months. People can do this?? This is a thing??
Which brings me back to this evening’s conversation. I again was reminded while discussing our family budget that there must be some eternal, cosmic truth regarding the force of Yin and Yang- And I can see clearly this force manifesting itself perfectly from within my marriage. My husband has been given, through (Nature? Nurture? Both?), the buffest, heftiest self-will you could imagine. His self-will is John Cena. The reigning champ!! For me, however, self-will is one of my weaker (est?) points. “Interesting” wins out over “Adulting” more often than not. I am going to have to tread lightly with myself. Until my self-will grows at the bare minimum, at least one little bicep.
So, for the sake of getting on with it- a few ground rules to my enders-game are slowly manifesting themselves to me. The first one is easy. “Tread lightly with myself.” *shrug* (I can’t really quantify that or anything. But I think the ground rule itself implies that it’s okay if I don’t quantify anything.)
The other one that I have made out, through the fuzz of not having focused too hard on this, is that I think maybe I should pick only tasks that end. Laundry, for example, is great! I KNOW I can win at it sometimes. But though I could feel like a rockstar today when I finish it… tomorrow I will look over at that laundry basket, and the only bicep I will grow is the one that is hefting that baby down to the washing machine. You know what I mean? (Yes. Of course, you do. You went to that school. We’ve established that.)
So, at my school, I did learn a thing or two. If I don’t want to overthink this, I should probably invest in some momentum. Which means I should probably get started on literally anything.
So… *(glancing to my left)* next to my bed where I am currently typing, there lies a project just, giving me that look.
THE WICKER CHAIR PROJECT.
This wicker chair cost me 5 dollars and was purchased from Facebook Marketplace last October. I have already dreamed that project – fully- through to completion. It was so fun! First I strengthened it with hemp fiber because I saw someone on youtube do that to theirs. Then, I pressure washed it because I saw someone on youtube do that to theirs too. Next, I painted it white- with a power-spray painter tool that I borrowed from a friend (because….) And then I finished it and used it at the writing desk in my living room. All perfectly-dream-style of course.
So you see? It is all completely done! Except for the actual doing. I have every supply needed to get started and I did actually begin strengthening the chair at one point with some hemp fiber. But it was harder than I had day-dreamed, not nearly as quickly-finished as I had imagined, and hardly any fun. So I said I would finish it tomorrowmonth. Not to mention the fact that I had no idea what I was doing. (still don’t completely, but I’m not going for pcefert.. I know this is not how one restores a wicker chair. I’m not going for wicker chair-restorer. I’m going for Queen-Finisher! Fine, novice finisher. )
So here’s to THE WICKER CHAIR project. *cheers* I’ll keep you updated with how I’m faring. Wish me luck? Send me some of your finishing dust? Project number one is on deck! Endward ho!